The last book I finished reading was No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
This book is all about dissecting the beta “nice-guy” mindset. It goes into great detail about how such an outlook is formed and how it can be cured. The subject matter of the book is nothing new to the game aware man, although it does have some interesting insights unique to itself.
The emotional imprint that forms in childhood colors all of your social interactions. We create relationships to meet unconscious needs and to play familiar roles.
Why Do You Invite Certain Types Of People Into Your Life?
What does your selection of S.O./friends tell you about your psyche?
The social dynamics at play between you and your significant other let you discover your insecurities and deficiencies. The lessons learned from every relationship help heal old wounds.
As children, nice guys absorb the message that it is not acceptable to be themselves. Childhood traumas attach an unhealthy amount of shame to their egos. The mind of a nice guy sincerely believes that “I am bad”.
Negative Feelings Arise Out Of A Flawed Emotional Imprint
Understand that the formation of your own imprint was created by circumstances out of your control. What is within your control however, is the ability to reconfigure this emotional imprint. It may take a while to own the fact that your rough edges and imperfections give others something to connect with.
In my own experience, I tried to be a ghost for the longest time. I learned that I had to repress my needs in order to survive. I was trying to suppress a natural and normal part of my human nature. Nice guys want to live drama-free existences, so they try to do everything right at complete detriment to their well-being.
If You Live Your Life By Other Peoples’ Frames Nothing Will Ever Be Good Enough
Existence is by its nature chaotic.
There is nothing to fear about “getting into trouble” because you’ll always have to face conflict in one way or another. You have to take responsibility for your own boundaries… if someone violates, it’s on you to put them in check.
A mature person knows to make his needs a priority.
Nice guys tend to see the world in black and white terms. Although the universe has an inherent dualistic nature, it is ultimately one whole. The goal is to come to terms with this oneness so that the mind can fully integrate. This realization brings confidence and inner-peace. You are not “good” or “bad”…
Every life experience either positive or negative is an opportunity for growth and learning. You cannot control the emotions of others, so it is imperative that you let go of the need to please. Self-acceptance brings abundance. Discovering your true self brings freedom. Accepting your personal value will enable you to follow your life’s passion with zero reservations.
Letting go of control allows the beautiful chaos of creation to resonate through one’s life.
The book also encourages vulnerability of your true self, which can easily be interpreted the wrong way. You don’t want to share weak emotions because people despise weak men.
Real vulnerability means that you have the ability to expose yourself to potential rejection and call other people on their bullshit. You cannot be afraid of reactions, you cannot wear your heart on your sleeve, but you CAN be strong and maintain your boundaries.
It’s important to give others space in your relationships so they can work their problems out on their own. It isn’t your responsibility to be anyone’s emotional caretaker. Everyone is ultimately in charge of their own emotional state.
Don’t stress. The current moment is preceded by a chain of events far outside of your comprehension.
Focus on regulating your own emotions and only associate with others when it benefits your well-being.
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