How to Deal With People 101: Don’t Expect Others To Change

how to deal with people

“Often the poor man is not so cold and hungry as he is dirty and ragged and gross. It is partly his taste, and not merely his misfortune. If you give him money, he will perhaps buy more rags with it.”

Henry David Thoreau

Crazy as it sounds, some people actually prefer to live like losers.

If you were to give them a step-by-step blueprint to a better life, they would outright ignore it.

Why’s that?

Lifestyle is identity.

People only pay attention to the dominant ideas in their minds.

If a person doesn’t see his own beliefs within yours, he’ll likely block out what you have to say. Anything outside his sense of “normal” doesn’t compute.

How To Deal With People?

Accept them for what they are.

However, this doesn’t mean to be non-discriminant with your associations.

All you have to do is take note of a person’s character, then put him/her in the proper place within your world.

(Closer, further, soft-touch basis, etc)

While people CAN change, it’s significantly more likely they’ll continue drifting along as they are.

People Live Their Lives According To
Subconscious Preferences

  • Everyone says they want to be rich, but only few take the necessary actions.
  • Everyone says they want to fuck attractive women, but hardly anyone approaches.
  • Everyone says they want fulfilling relationships, yet many prefer dysfunctional ones.

People “want” to do a lot of things, but their actions prove otherwise.

(That’s what reveals their true preferences.)

You can’t force anyone to change their approach.

Most Mental Strife Stems From Expecting Reality To Be Something Other Than What It Is

Every relationship/social connection has an emotional component to it. This emotional “image” can be greater than the actual relationship itself.

  • idealizing a shared history out of touch with current times
  • wanting to be closer to someone who doesn’t care about you
  • hoping a person will change into the mental ideal you have of them

Notice how all these scenarios have a common theme of “lack”?

They can only occur when you aren’t living life out of your own frame.

(i.e. you’ve given away your personal agency)

How can you expect to “be present” if your mental models revolve around things that aren’t meant to be?

The Solution?

Instead of chasing after people who you’re incompatible with, it’s time you start viewing yourself as your own mental point of origin.

This mindset can be internalized through the adoptation of high-value principles.

The only reason you would ever put yourself in a “holding position” is that you look to others for fulfillment. When you love both yourself and your lifestyle, you can take people as they are.

Closing Thoughts:

People only accept what they’re ready to digest. There’s no point explaining yourself to those unwilling to listen.

Stop wasting time on people who are committed to misunderstanding your reality.

The emotional image of a relationship isn’t always accurate.

Take back your autonomy by realizing your self-worth.

P.S. Read “How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People” by Les Giblin.

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